The Journal of Teniel Djo (Year 7 - Year 8)

The Diary of Teniel Djo

Year 7 Day 238

Dear diary,

If there is one thing in the world stupider than either a Kun or a Tamerin, it is surely a person who belongs to *both* families. First Lady Eliana Tamerin, wife of the leader of the Kathol Republic, messaged me this afternoon asking if she could send me 3,000,000 credits in exchange for me announcing that Kathol Republic was somehow involved in the operation humiliating Moff Kiltar.

Eidola now has an extra three million credits, and no, Kathol Republic had absolutely nothing to do with any anti-GE operations...they are just so used to the exchange of money for...discreet services, that they got caught up in throwing millions at underage girls.

What a pathetic group, this Kathol Republic seems to be. Ah well, am off to lunch, and treating everybody in Eidola to a nice bantha steak dinner tonight.

Year 7 Day 240

Dear diary,

Today I got to cross a name off my frighteningly large "List of people to deal with" - I have debated scrubbing the whole idea of the list and starting afresh with "List of people not to kill", it might be less taxing on my personal time. Though I should point out, that if my terms and conditions are met (the GNS post and the faction name change), then I will most assuredly unhand PaulDaJedi humiliated but unharmed.

Of course, in writing about the capture of the Raptor Pirates' leader, I had originally wanted to use different graphics for the News post, but Joe Monso was quite insistent that there be no homoeroticism in this message. I had wanted to use the image below, though of course inserting the proper Falleen head.
<Image lost with age>
I mean after all, Blackthorne the pirate made a promise to destroy Eidola, what could be more fitting? But alas, Joe was uncomfortable with the thought of being seen as he ran his hand up Paul's skirt.

Poor Raptor Pirates, though of course there is an amusing upside to this story. I just realised that the Raptor Pirates are broken into two distinct groups. On one side, Ambel Den's supporters who laugh at PDJ's death, and on the other, those who support PDJ and Blackthorne. Interesting, because as it stands now, Raptor Pirates own a fairly large fleet including a modified Dreadnaught. Now, if I kill PDJ without any preparation, then Ambel Den becomes the next owner and leader of the group, including all its assets. If I instead release PDJ temporarily, while keeping him trapped in my brig, then he has the chance to change the privilege levels, unprotect the neccessary ships and make sure that his friends get the wealth and faction. So what it comes down to...I get to choose which group gets the faction and everything in it. I expect there will be some nice treasure chests to bribe me with, from both sides.

Deenr Tlosa promises me that tonight is braised gooba fish on a bed of wild greens, I'm really looking forward to it. It makes me sad when we eat fish with the head still on it though, because as we all poke our forks and knives into the once-living entrails of the animal, I see its head still attached and it just reminds me that no, this is not Jesfa on a platter with rice and Chinndie noddles.

Year 7 Day 244

Dear diary,

Sorry I have not written in so long, it seems like ages since we last told each our most personal secrets, (I had no idea your cover was made of FAUX banthahide, I feel your shame).

Not much new really, I had targeted Triumvirate Security Forces to try and steal a 15 million credit cargo hauler from them several days ago, but Chronos Darkwater had been resolute "You are a pirate! I am not trusting you!", so I gave up sad, and reported to Eidola that perhaps we should stop trying to rob security forces, after all, they presumably know what they are doing.

In a follow-up sequel, Triumvirate came back to me two days later, (about ten minutes after changing their leader) apologising for refusing to trust me earlier, and insisted that we continue the trade under my earlier conditions. (Standard Teniel Djo conditions: "You send me your ships, in return I paint them pretty colours before adding them to my fleet").

I now own a 15 million credit Cargo Hauler that I paid ZERO DOWN PAYMENTS, ZERO INTEREST, ZERO-CREDIT FINANCING, DO NOT PAY A DECICRED EVER! Well, I guess you could say it was a steal...

By the way, I must make a personal note to recommend Triumvirate as an ELITE security force, I mean who else would you trust to guard your assets against theft?

I mean honestly folks, give Triumvirate a break, I just stole their largest ship - it wasn't like we stole their squad of Police X-Ties, those are still active and deadly!

Year 7 Day 259

Dear diary,

I just received word today that Operation Gadfly was a rousing success - months ago, after stealing dozens of Raptor Pirates ships from their second-in-command, he took great solace in announcing that *one* of those ships I had just stolen, a YT-2400, was still docked aboard one of his personal ships and he would be holding it captive forever. Of course, I couldn't let him find that small solace, so I promised that one day when he least expected it, I would have that ship undocked.

While...guess what Operation Gadfly consisted of? I'll show you the itinerary that was passed around Eidola, though much of the sensitive information has been removed.



Anyhow...our man (in a frogsuit!) did indeed manage to get our operative added to the crewlist of the capital ship in question, and while we (sadly) weren't able to kill the pilot as he seemed to have abandoned ship shortly before, we did of course undock all the ships aboard it, including our beloved YT-2400

This means our next operation is doubtless "Operation Fishhook", whose name I think sounds eerily vague enough to mean we have countless plots to murder Jesfa

Year 7 Day 264

Dear diary,

Today I have a riddle for you. "What has 14 large guns, tractor beams, enhanced sensors, and is pretty useful as an outlying support craft for a raiding party?" Give up yet? A Bayonet Cruiser! Okay, maybe the riddle wasn't all that humorous, but the fact that I stole one today certainly is - I'm thinking of putting it with Utono's fleet, but the problem is his fleet is already SO large...all of our fleets are I just don't know what to do with all these ships anymore, I can't give them away fast enough it seems! Perhaps I should develop a way to merge three or four warships into one SUPER WARSHIP?

In other news, Jaq Gori decided to talk back to the pirates guarding him as he was being released to relative safety on a planet's surface. He threatened to kill one of the passengers aboard the ship, so he was slapped across the face and shot twice in the chest. Pirate justice, brutal yet effective.

Two days until my birthday, whee!

Year 7 Day 267

Dear diary,

I made a few good deals recently, they should help me bring in some legitimate money - just need to find some worthy newbies to distribute it among.

I purchased an Assassin corvette for 1.5mil, 10 Firesprays at 550k apiece, a prison for 75,000, 7 fountains for 5k apiece, and 11 Koro speeders for 10k apiece.

Today was mostly boring - so I took this opportunity to send all Hutts in the game a special message just for them, offering them a unique opportunity to benefit from Eidola's power in the galaxy.


I am disillusioned though. Everybody in the 'verse seems downright stupid some days.

Hrm, perhaps I should return to the days of announcing my criminal actionsbeforehand. It's more sporting...or something. So here's today's confession: Two people have joined Eidola today, I won't give away their names, but suffice to say they're both people you've heard of. One of them is going to die, I guess you'll read about that on the GNS soon. They both read this journal, and they both are now thinking "Well it certainly isn't me, it must be the other guy, I have nothing to worry about, I'm sure the pirates all love me". One of them is wrong.

Year 7 Day 278

Dear diary,

You'll remember ten days ago I made a post about two people joining Eidola, and one of them not even realising that they were about to be killed. I laughed because I knew both of them read this journal, and that the target would scoff and laugh it off, certain I was going to kill the other one? Let me refresh you.

Year 7 Day 267 13:05 - Teniel Djo
Two people have joined Eidola today, I won't give away their names, but suffice to say they're both people you've heard of. One of them is going to die, I guess you'll read about that on the GNS soon. They both read this journal, and they both are now thinking "Well it certainly isn't me, it must be the other guy, I have nothing to worry about, I'm sure the pirates all love me". One of them is wrong.

Year 7 Day 267 20:48 - Imazushi Shinoto
I wanna be a pirate!!

Year 7 Day 268 4:12 - Lamy Homo
I wonder who's getting the axe...

Year 7 Day 276, 8:39 Imazushi Shinoto has been arrested by Teniel Djo.

In case it's not obvious, Lamy was in on the whole "capturing Imazushi" thing, while Imazushi believed he was in on the whole "capturing Lamy" thing...it's a complicated love-triangle.

Coming soon to a GNS near you!

Year 7 Day 279

Dear diary,

This is a page listing the HIGH COMMAND OF THE GALACTIC EMPIRE, yes these men are the absolute top of the Empire, the best in their leagues, the finest the Empire has to offer the galaxy!

http://www.swc-galactic-empire.com/ihc.php

Now, read through that short list...and let's play a game.

"Which member of the Imperial High Command just sent a known Eidola member 20,000,000 credits, and got ROBBED?"

You have to GUESS before you're allowed to scroll down!



















If you guessed Sengir, Moff of the Fakir Sector, then you're RIGHT!

Now, in his defence, how was he to have known that Utono Brutza and Eli Greenberg were thieves? It's not like they were listed as such anywhere other than perhaps
1. http://www.swcombine.com/forum/thread.php?thread=9177&page=0
2. http://thetraders.smfhost.com/index.php?topic=4.0
3. http://www.swcombine.com/forum/thread.php?thread=260&page=0
4. http://www.xrz.nl/traderslist.htm
and maybe one or two other sources saying THESE GUYS ARE IN EIDOLA.

So anyways, that's 20,000,000 credits for Eidola to help fund our terrorism, alcoholism, assassinations and sword-waving. I seem to recall Imperial Minister of Truth Zee Wolf trying to instruct NEW members of the Empire why they shouldn't trust Eidola...



Perhaps all along he should have been giving that slideshow to the HIGH COMMAND.

Year 7 Day 296

Dear diary,

I am reminded of a story in the Book of Zarquon, about how none of us knows the hour of our death. About how when we least expect it, we are killed. I mean, it got me thinking, how many people in the galaxy must experience that? They think they are completely safe, never realising that Eidola can obtain access to anybody they like...or more appropriately, dislike.

Now I don't want to foster paranoia amongst people kind enough to follow my blog, but there is about to be death - and Eidola will be responsible for it. We're in the process of writing the GNS announcement at the moment, even though technically we haven't even boarded victim's ship yet...we're just that confident that this will work out.

This time the victim is not a member of the Imperial Remnant, nor the New Imperial Order...this time, it's a personal grudge being settled against a long-time foe.

Of course, this is a rather major kill we're talking about, so perhaps I shouldn't be giving away clues ahead of time? I don't know, part of me says it defies common sense, but part of me is goading my writing, reminding me that I've come right out and said "You know the two readers of this journal that Teniel's been nice to this week? You know who you are...well one of you is about to die" and still they walked right onto my ship, so maybe the collective intelligence truly is that low.

Ah well, we'll find out soon enough whether my post here has cost Eidola a high-profile murder victim...

Year 7 Day 306

Dear diary,

so much has happened recently, I'm currently en route to Sevarcos where one of my pirates needs me to man a spacestation as part of his on-going operation to capture a faction leader...sounds promising, eh?

In other news, saw the new decorating an Eidola member did on their dreadnaught, am in awe of the beautiful work he had done, I want to board that ship sometime just to gape in awe at the beautiful rooms.

Oh, right, you aren't interested in my little goings-on, so I'll cut to the chase, interesting theft yesterday - I wasn't even going to rob Kieran, except, well, he'sreally annoying and has a lot of money he doesn't deserve, so I figured I'd throw a line out there....

[23:08] [Keir] As I said, 1.5mil for the snowspeeder
[23:08] [Kieran_Traejik] would you be insulted if i request a middle sentient?
[23:09] [Keir] If you can wait till tomorrow, I don't mind using a middle
[23:09] [Kieran_Traejik] ok
[23:09] [Keir] So either send first tonight, or with a middleman tomorrow, doesn't matter to me
[23:09] [Kieran_Traejik] sending
[23:13] [Kieran_Traejik] payment sent

I think Tara summarised it best, when she said...

[20:47] [Tara] You know, there are possibly more threads in the combine colection of websites with the content "Dont trust Keir" than there is "Vodo has admin backing" - yet you still find the blind and stupid people who will offer you new toys for free.
[20:47] [Tara] Its almost painfull to watch.
[20:47] [Tara] almost.

I'll try and update more tomorrow, for now I have 1.5mil I want to go spend on weapons and droids and stuff

Year 7 Day 307

Dear diary,

Most upset today, Utono has suggested that my nerves are just shot from this high-stakes mission Eidola's currently engaged in, but I know it's more than just that. It's been bothering me that somebody dared to suggest that my stealing 1.5mil was too small to take notice of...too...lacklustre to mention to my dearest diary. This feeling was with me all day yesterday, I knew I had to do something.

So I stole a Bayonet Cruiser.

I remember posting a GNS entitled "Falleen Federation ignored warning about Eidola" a few days ago, but now it seems even that GNS failed to twig members of the Falleen Federation that Eidola is BAD PEOPLE. *le sigh*

In fairness, slightly more intelligent than Kieran was, the Falleen Federation members (Yes, there was more than one who agreed that selling their Bayonet to Teniel seemed like a wise idea!) did demand a middleman...however, they also agreed that Derek Shado, the oldest member of Eidola, sounded like a good choice for a middleman. Dear diary, surely you can see where this is going?

A hint to all who read this, if somebody's offering you a suspiciously large amount of money for your ship...it's probably because they know it doesn't matter if they promise you 2million, 20million or 200million, they just don't intend to pay.

Year 7 Day 322

Dear diary,

Have you ever had one of those feelings where you think you've must have entered bizarro-land because nothing around you makes sense anymore? Like you're in a forest chasing yogurt, when a super-intelligent shade of the colour blue decides to shoot you with his shotgun, but misses and kills the yogurt instead? Or when you cozy up to Slayn & Korpil ship producers and steal 70mil worth of ships from them...then 6 months later, they try to be friends again?

In other, completely unrelated, news - it seems that Eli Greenberg will be flying a new capital ship to this year's Taiimean Dance - I hope he brings waltzing shoes. His recent success with thefts has left me feeling so impotent...all these holomails about combatting my impotence, premature ejaculation and pl34sing ur g1rl are starting to look promising, because I just can't live with this sense of Greenberg being better than I am.

In other news, Zek Djo is not worthy of the surname "Djo". When he first appeared in the galaxy, I said I was either going to take care of him, or rob and kill him. Well, turns out he is an idiot, so the latter seemed like the best idea. Y-Head Corvette gone missing, oh dear, oh my, asked for a middleman, was told "no", said "okay" and sent first.

Year 7 Day 341

Dear diary,

Sorry I have been away for many weeks, had gone on brief religious pilgrimage - apparently at least one Imperial believed this meant that he should begin trolling in my diary - presumably he believes he must fill the vacancy left behind by the departure of Ekoo Strider. May I mention that I find it cute that when an Imperial wants somebody dead, they don't do it themselves...they go ask Eidola to do it for them? Quaint!

Anyhow, onto the current news - sorry I couldn't write to you sooner, I've been busy shopping around for some new designs for Eidola's ever-increasing fleet of Bayonet cruisers. You may recall we've stolen four Bayonet Cruisers in the past 6 weeks, and yesterday marked a brand new Bayonet Cruiser, this time from the Commerce Guild's second-in-command, Alvin Cool.

Apparently the CIS mining faction wanted a Tabder hauler, and when I approached them offering to sell one of mine - they were gleefully anxious that I had one...and at such a cheap price! I must admit, greed got the better of me, stealing a simple Bayonet cruiser just wasn't enough - so I consulted with my Psittacine and together we agreed that I should aggressively demand a further 25 million in cash, unmarked credit vouchers that couldn't be traced. Well talk about a fool and their money...a moment later, they agreed.

Now the only catch was that they wanted to use a middleman...diary, have I written enough entries yet that you are able to guess what happened? Yes, that's right, Eli the Gargantuan Lieutenant happily volunteered to middle for us, and that was that.

Now of course, in closing, I should mention that Alvin did maintain his calm upon finding out that it had all been a scam - and remained polite and courteous despite the financial setback to his intentions of purchasing a Tabder.

Year 7 Day 344

Dear diary,

Saw a new Bayonet today. Have begun plans to acquire it through deception. This time's a little more complicated since the owner isn't into "trading", will likely take a few weeks for my alternate plan to come to fruition - but Bayonets are addictive now, so it's worth the legwork.

Am currently in hyperspace, just going to go make honest money as quasi-legit independent sales-sentient. Still trying to work out details to help new Eidola member acquaint himself with commerce, while making some honest money. Idea requires thought. Thought requires sleep. Sleep requires pyjamas. Am clearly left with no choice but to drop anchor in Tapani and lay waste to a settlement, then scavenge the remains of any commerce centre for decent nightwear.

Haved hired a new outside crew to move some Eidola military vehicles over to our new outpost...this time actually chose experienced crew, rather than inexperienced...am getting tired of the incompetence of those who have only been spaceworthy for a few days...will now get a taste of the incompetence of those with no excuse, no doubt.

Will likely be a large announcement in future about the official opening of our newest pirate domain, after construction, shipments and crew placements are complete. But meantime rumor mill is probably fairly accurate..new Quartermaster isn't known for any monastic silences...loud and boisterous. But I hope that the increased responsibility emasculates him somewhat...or at least makes him more rational in his rampages.

Current Status: Unharmed (haven't had a good brawl in over a month)
Flying: Gráinne Ni Mháille, with several entities docked inside it related to mission
Current Destination: Approximately (-50, -50)
ETA: 10 Hours 53 Minutes
Will be leaving safety of ship once arrived? Yes.
Active listings on Centrepoint Market? 2 facilities, 1 ship, 2 vehicles
Last person to send Eidola money for something? Somebody buying something small off the NPC Market, using our Trading Station
Random skill to confess? Ground Tactics-3

Year 7 Day 346

Dear diary,

Woke up today to new student intern pirate shouting wildly from the bridge of the Gr?inne Ni Mh?ille. Quickly lept out of hammock and ran to the bridge to discover idiot was merely whooping with excitement over some boring piece of information that came over the holonet. Seems Eidola has stolen yet ANOTHER Bayonet Cruiser. Seriously, this student intern gets way too excited over the commonplace.

Kriffing hell, we have a squad of Utai working on repainting the *last* Bayonet from a few days ago, to the Eidola colours...now we have *another* one. More trouble than they're worth, I swear.

Turns out that last night's theft targetted some guy named Jandor from a mercenary group...guess he won't be quite as powerful a mercenary without his warship...until he buys a new one, at least. The work was mostly done by Thrice-Endowed Supreme Donkey of the Trouserpod Eli Greenberg again, though it was apparently a much larger team effort, drawing in several Eidola members to play various roles as "reputable middlemen", "innocent traders who happen to vouch for Eli's strong moral character in passing" and "villainous scoundrels who want to steal the Bayonet, causing Jandor to much prefer to sell to the clearly-honest Eli Greenberg" - may have to start introducing awards to the best actors in Eidola - some of them are truly versatile in many roles.

In other news, received word today that Eidola is the last government with any self-respect so that was rather tragic. Am thinking of holding Life Day celebrations this year in Sevarcos, everybody present will get gifts and get to participate in games to win further prizes. Idea has some merit, will have to discuss with others.

Also, new rule. If, before the end of this month, Eidola manages to steal a *tenth* Bayonet, it will be given away for free to one of the journal's readers, based on a lottery system. That's six we've stolen so far, just need four more in the next 18 days!

Year 7 Day 358

Dear diary,

If there is one thing in the world stupider than either a Kun or a Tamerin, it is surely a person who belongs to *both* families. First Lady Eliana Tamerin, wife of the leader of the Kathol Republic, messaged me this afternoon asking if she could send me 3,000,000 credits in exchange for me announcing that Kathol Republic was somehow involved in the operation humiliating Moff Kiltar.

Eidola now has an extra three million credits, and no, Kathol Republic had absolutely nothing to do with any anti-GE operations...they are just so used to the exchange of money for...discreet services, that they got caught up in throwing millions at underage girls.

What a pathetic group, this Kathol Republic seems to be. Ah well, am off to lunch, and treating everybody in Eidola to a nice bantha steak dinner tonight.

Year 7 Day 362

Dear diary,

As this month draws to a close, I find myself not taking nearly enough foolish risks. People have made it too easy for me, I plunder, rob, kidnap and murder...but usually these all involve some level of risk to myself...the past month, not so. I have decided to go out on a limb and try to increase the risks to my personal safety.

As part of my current operation, I am going to leave the Grainne ni Mhaille behind, and go fly a ship that doesn't belong to myself, my faction or a close friend. I will of course be both armed and armoured, and there will be another Eidola pirate within four hours of my location at all times - hopefully everything goes well, because if this all turns out to be an elaborate trap...well, best to not focus on that possibility.

Interestingly, for those looking for further clues about this current operation in the hopes of divining exactly what we're doing - before we even do it...we owe a debt of gratitude to an Imperial naval officer who helped lay the groundwork for this operation months ago - and it will be a baptism by fire for a new branch of Eidola.

In other news, reports out of Hutt Space indicate that recent scandals involving the elected public officials, have driven large numbers of the Hutt population towards the criminal underworld - embracing piracy, organized crime and smuggling in record numbers. UUJ is almost ready to make his move, and then we will see if the months of effort pay off as grandly as we hope.